Mt. Conness Summer 2024
by Rae Roll
I should start by telling you how I got into climbing and the start of this adventure; so, I will. I started because all my coworkers I liked at REI Santa Monica were doing it and I wanted to hang out with my friends. No, no if they were all going to jump off a bridge I wouldn’t jump too. But climbing was reasonably safe.
My journey into the sport began in winter 2019 in Los Angeles, CA.
I started at the gym, predominantly bouldering and then getting really interested in learning to lead climb after watching my friends project. I was a wimp though, being genuinely terrified of heights. I did a lot of work just weighting the top rope like a quarter of the way up a 5.9 and being told “I bet you can make one more move.” I did that a lot, kept on making one more move, sometimes falling on it, sometimes not.
My fear fell away and my stoke increased. Overcoming that fear changed my life. Climbing taught me to trust the gear enough to where even though I doubted my ability I could still make attempts. In this way, I started to be able to climb more difficult routes in the gym.
When they took me to Stony Point, a popular outdoor climbing area in Los Angeles, the fear returned. I was encouraged to climb a slabby 5.7 I just could not figure out. Slab is hard. I fell my way up that route. I was embarrassed but my friends were super encouraging. I think that’s why I climb the way I climb— yeah, I’ll try one more move.
I don’t think most would have predicted that five years later, my passion for climbing would have me living in a car in the Eastern Sierras with a dog. But nobody was surprised. I’ve always preferred spending time outdoors moving around and sniffing trees or whatever.
When I moved back to the Bay Area in the Summer of 2020, I lived in San Francisco for six months climbing the Touchstone gyms and struggling with the opportunity to meet climbers interested in climbing outdoors. I had friends that worked with me at REI Berkeley that wanted to climb. We made it out to Castle Rock, Goat Rock (in the East Bay), and got more outdoor mileage. The stoke was there, but the lease was ending and Santa Rosa became home for a while.
I started my Sonoma County climbing chapter at Vertex and Mt. Saint Helena. I tried some coastal climbing but the bolts were spinning at the time. All my confidence in climbing came from gear, and I didn’t trust the gear. I wasn’t really enjoying the people at Vertex. I felt out of place and judged in that environment. I know my personality is an acquired taste and nobody there was interested in acquiring it. Fair enough.
Session Climbing opened shortly after and it became obvious to me that I was going to have more fun there after about a month or so. I quickly got into indoor lead climbing, having climbed outside a couple of times and practicing mock-leading at the gym. More opportunities to climb became available and more people were excited about climbing with me. Wild.
I made hella friends, many of whom are in this amazing Women’s Lead Club. I have been able to go on trips – climb, camp, hike, surf, and hang out with so many of you awesome people. I learned to trad climb because of the people I met at Session, including members of the Women’s Lead Club willing to give me a chance. So many of my adventures and experiences are because of the people in this group. Thank you for including me.
Siobhan, Lassen, and myself at Lover’s Leap – Spring 2025. Siobhan followed my first ever trad lead!
Top rope day at Vent 5 with Alé, Molly, Hannah, and myself.
Ally, Siany, Robin, at Warm Up Wall in the Central Owens River Gorge area December 2024.
Tracy and I on Matthes Crest, Summer 2024.
Pauline does crack for the first time in Yosemite Valley October 2024.
Thank you all for this club, for being part of this adventure, and for making your own adventures. I hope to climb with more of you.
Okay, okay. Introduction over. Sorry, that took a while. The meat of the story is what follows.
2/2024 I broke up with my partner because we wanted very different lives. I’d gained a lot of experience climbing in Lovers Leap, Tuolumne, and Yosemite Valley and decided climbing outside should become my whole life ASAP.
I signed up to get some mountaineering skills with a guide service on Shasta. I learned a lot and had an incredible experience.
Shasta Summit Spring 2024
After this experience, I was hooked on the alpine terrain and just wanted to climb rocks and mountains outside as the only thing I did in my free time.
I let this dream of a lifestyle get the better of me and soon found myself climbing with people I shouldn’t have.
I became friends with an experienced climber who seemed excited about teaching me all things alpine. I was hooked on the idea of the experiences that climbing relationship promised. This person is also a man going through a divorce among other factors that drove him to express himself in a way that was both homophobic and misogynistic.
He told me he was glad I was nonbinary because he inherently doesn’t trust women and their need for male attention. He told me, after an instance where a man groped me in public in front of him, that I let it happen and I should’ve handled it differently and that he respected me less. I ended that partnership because I was unable to forgive those comments, among many others (like he also said he doesn’t like women climbing in sports bras because they only do it for attention…)
I climbed Matthes, Conness, and Cathedral Peak with that individual before I had to terminate the relationship and while I knew it would put a roadblock on my journey to gain more alpine mileage, I also recognize that the experience of climbing has very much to do with how much you can trust your partner.
But that didn’t stop me from trying to find more climbing partners and trying to climb with whomever would offer a catch.
I found myself on a rock out at Lover’s Leap with two men I considered friends and experienced climbers. On this trip I attempted to lead my first real roof move. It wasn’t major in terms of size, but I was in my head and I spent almost an hour messing around up there. I could hear my belayer on the phone as I managed this precarious position, and though they were the ones who’d encouraged me to attempt that lead, they were very ready to give up on me too. I felt scared, unsafe, and losing trust in my climbing ability.
When I finally decided to really try to go up, I was successful, but I knew I couldn’t trust them to belay me in a safe manner. I don’t care how good of a climber you think you are, no one should be managing a phone call or texting while belaying. People die. I’m grateful I didn’t fall.
At this point you’re probably thinking “Geez, Rae, that’s a lot, hopefully you are really picky about who you climb with now.” Yeah man, I am NOW now… but there was one more thing that happened…
I met Tom Hanks.
Ok here’s what went down. I was on Facebook Marketplace looking for a place to rent in Bishop that was dog friendly. I found one and the guy responsible for the lease was a climbing guide so I figured it could be a good learning opportunity. It was, but for the wrong reasons.
He was planning to climb in Yosemite Valley for the season, so we met there. I was able to crash at his friend’s house inside the village. We woke up and discussed route options. His friend suggested we climb at Sunnyside Bench, but he said that was boring. I mentioned I was interested in some options at Five Open Books and he said sure. I was looking at Munginella/ Saligenella… he was like, “Nah, we can do Commitment.” Now, Commitment is a Yosemite Valley 5.9 rated in the era of the mentality that 5.10 was the hardest grade… so who the F**** even knows, you know? Welp, I was like “Yeah I’ll follow, but I’m like maybe more comfortable on a 5.7 or 5.8 and we can swap leads.” Nope. We get to the route and he starts rigging micro tractions and explaining to me how to clean them. I asked to pitch it out. “I’m not pitching out Commitment.” Friends… the way I struggled to even get into the first crack of that route had me weighting micro trax instantly. This was already a bad idea and going to take twice as long as he wanted. Yeesh. So, I’m feeling rushed, stressed, and also having minimal fun while doing one of my favorite things. As I climb, I see other parties waiting. I asked if my climbing partner had blown past them, and they said yes. One party said I shouldn’t be climbing with someone with such poor climbing etiquette just in the way he blew through their climb… wild. I apologized and offered to let them pass, as I’d no business climbing the route and the dreaded roof was right above us. They said no and watched for the half eternity it took me to climb my first roof. I pulled on gear, TBH just because I felt so bad that they were waiting. The next pitch was fine but the one after was the same struggle I had had with the first crack. I just couldn’t get in it without relying on a very hollow sounding flake. AND yet ANOTHER climbing party was waiting on me to pull it. They said I had to. As I pulled my leg up, a hole tore through the bottom of my side leg pocket and my phone dropped to the valley floor. Lost.
So freaking rad, such a great time, but by the time we got up Saligenella, I was kinda pissed off. My partner had to rest because he was gonna do The Nose in a day the following day and needed to get out of the sun. He was like “Okay, I’m gonna run down, you can find your way back, yeah?” I had to explain I have the worst navigation skills known to man and cannot retrace my steps because I have a learning disability tied to object impermanence and idk where anything is especially without a GPS.
So, we start hiking down and then he stops abruptly.
Tom Hanks was sitting, resting, on the Yosemite Falls Trail. He asked about our climb and my Facebook Marketplace acquaintance showed him our route on Mountain Project. He also had us get our pictures taken. Then, he told everyone we passed that Tom Hanks was on the trail. So…notably inconsiderate.
So, I learned a lot from these adventures and I think I’m better off for them given that I survived. But FYI, if you abruptly weight microtrax with inadequate tension, you can snap off your rope. Also, I did all the moves on Commitment. Crazy.
Also, Tom Hanks didn’t like that my pants had holes all the way through them and suggested I get new pants. I did.
Once I gained a measurable amount of experience on rocks, I decided it was worth attempting my biggest multi-pitch to date: Royal Arches. It is 15 pitches of 5.easy to 5.8 and really awesome rock. The anticipated time to completion was 10 hours. The first day we attempted to send, we determined by the time we found the start, it was too late (there are two similar looking rocks with chalk stones as described in Mountain Project and YouTube and the guidebook… oops).
The avocado snack I intended to bring in front of the non-start to Royal Arches.
So we made the attempt the following day. My partner and I more than doubled that time and learned so much.
Having an epic in the Valley was bound to happen, Lynn Hill said so. My first, and only, so far, was a 23-hour excursion from parking the car to returning to it. Mistakes were made and I gained a wealth of knowledge from them. My favorite part is nobody got sick or injured. The return time to the car was 3:30am.
Most of our time was lost in transitions between lead blocks. Ideally, we would have simul-climbed more of it but I’m weary of simul climb systems from a negative experience… ahem.
I had to work the next day, so I called and told them I was four hours away and had been up all night and wasn’t going to make it in. I got a call back from my supervisor at 10:00am and he told me that I needed to put more energy into showing up for work. He said he understood I needed a work-life balance, but I was prioritizing life a little too much.
NO SUCH THING, DAVE! Suck my dog’s fluffy nuts if you can find ‘em in the veterinary surgical waste!
I left that job pretty easily…
I had dreams of dirtbagging probably into my second year of climbing, but I was in a relationship that wasn’t conducive to that lifestyle. At the time, it was worth it to stay. With the ending of that relationship, I decided to take a job as a snowboard instructor in Mammoth and another in the emergency department at the hospital.
Since November, I’ve been snowboarding 5 days a week, gym bouldering about four days, and working at the hospital 2 days every other week.
Life is good but the climbing is inconsistent.
● None of the gyms have ropes
● I work during the days most people have off making it hard to climb outdoors
● I am not interested in top-rope solo-ing
● I do not own nor have a place to store crash pads
● I climb outdoors once a month at best.
● Unending injuries, illnesses, and logistical nonsense
This is not what I anticipated when I began this journey. So much disappointment. I’ve met some people at the gym in Bishop, and loads of people at the hospital climb, but it’s hard to line up days off. So, I hardly ever rope climb. I’m getting weaker and losing skills I’m not practicing.
That said, I have met so many amazing people! Once the winter season ends and the climbing is better and instructing won’t be my full-time job, there will be more opportunities to climb. Until then, I get to snowboard a lot, and although it’s not what I am most passionate about, I am grateful to be on a mountain nearly every day doing something I enjoy.
The Happys in December 2024 with some visitors from the Women’s Lead Club.
On a day I am not injured I typically wake up around 5:00AM and try to stay in my sleeping bag while I slither from my bed platform to my front seat to turn on my car and get the heater going. I absolutely refuse to do a single thing until I am warm enough to move around. It’s usually about 27 degrees inside my car in the morning. Once I’m toasty, I leave my sleeping bag and let Lassen out to potty.
Lassen, ready to get up and moving.
The best place for me to sleep is 40 minutes away from work and right at the intersection of a side street and the highway. I pee in a cup and wash it before I make breakfast (no, I don’t use the pee cup for food).
I cook in a backpacking MSR camping stove with the windows down and usually just end up with some oatmeal and peanut butter.
Sometimes I don’t cook because of the hassle. I’m not gonna lie, I end up eating Taco Bell for dinner a lot because of how exhausted I am at the end of the day. I go from work to the bouldering only gym in Bishop. The only roped gyms are Pine Creek or the Owen’s River Gorge (outdoor climbing destinations with a high concentration of routes).
At work I teach mostly beginner snowboarding but occasionally get lucky enough to teach an intermediate class. I teach all ages and occasionally also teach skiing.
The pay is bad, but it’s a fun job. The time to myself is minimal, and the injuries prevent me from training for my objectives. So, I’m broke, homeless, and weakening the muscles I need to strengthen to achieve my goals.
I was happy for a while. Now, I’m increasingly more disappointed. I’m disappointed in my allocation of time and my slow ability to heal from injuries. It took two weeks to recover from pneumonia. I damaged a rib from my pneumonia cough so that had to heal. And as I write this, I’m rehabbing an ankle injury.
Only one of the injuries is from climbing… and it wasn’t worth it.
Speaking of objectives, I’ll offer a tangent:
I like big, long days. I like exciting adventures that last as long as possible. This extends from multi-day backpacking trips to day-long multi-pitch climbs. I’ve never done a multi-day climb, but I’d like to when I am ready with the knowledge and skills. I have a goal of 3 years for a multi-day ascent of El Capitan.
My current objectives exist in Yosemite Valley and Tuolumne as well as Mt. Rainier and Whitney. Last year I summited Mt. Shasta as part of a glacier travel and rescue skills course. It was an incredible experience. I want to climb more mountains. I also want to do more fifth class climbing. I want to climb a lot. I want to gain a lot of experience. There is very little that excites me more. My goals include the training to build up to it. My goal to summit Denali includes my goals to do Shasta, Rainier, Whitney, and several other 14000ft + mountains with increasingly more difficult technical involvement, and avalanche courses, and more advanced glacier skills and crevasse rescue / self-rescue. I want to climb all over the Valley and learn how to big wall climb and top out on Half Dome so I can scale El Capitan. The journey to each is a goal, and the people I do it with have to be right.
I wanna rack mileage to be experienced, and I wanna be experienced so I can be knowledgeable and maybe someday I can be the mentor I wish I had.
But to accomplish any of these goals I must gain more knowledge, experience, and ideally a mentor.
I think most of my struggles are self-induced. I did choose a job that pays very little and tried to compensate by being homeless. I bought a way too expensive car to live in. I also get too excited about meeting new climbers and want to learn from anyone who is willing to teach me. The consequences are that I must work and can’t make time for climbing the way I had hoped. I want to be safe and climb with people with experience and knowledge.
But I will say, in these experiences, I’ve gotten pickier about what and who I climb with. I’ve developed a sort of vetting process which, in hindsight, should have always existed, but I am trying to be less critical and judgmental of myself.
So now I climb with people indoors, first on top rope, then lead, then go on an outdoor lead single pitch day to evaluate rope management and anchor building. If our personalities match up, and the rope skills are up-to-par, I can work on planning an outdoor adventure.
I am stoked and ambitious with so much to learn. Come indoors climbing with me to feel it out!
Leave a Reply